Stay Out.

I'm not writing this on facebook because it would cause more drama than I need in my life right now.  but here's a thought...if you don't know what its like to be in a relationship where is 50/50 and compromises exist don't say that we're doing it wrong.  we might be "doing it wrong" in your eyes but I could care less what you think about my relationship.  The way we treat each other may not be the way you've been treated or the way you've treated your exes but that's because you're NOT Khris...you could never treat a girl like Khris treats me because YOU AREN'T HIM. Stay out of our relationship. Oh and btw don't tell my best friend all of this and think its not going to get back to me. You're an idiot if you thought she was going to keep it to herself. Chicks before dicks. And you're definitely a dick.

Letting Go.

I feel as though I no longer need to blog.  I feel like I don't need an outlet to express the things I can not say out loud because there is nothing for me to hide or to get off my chest.  I am so happy and content with where my life is right now and I wouldn't change any of it for a second.  I blogged a lot when I was at Longwood and I missed Khris so much, but now that I see him almost everyday I no longer feel the need to tell my computer feelings that I feel when I can just tell him.  He understands what I am going through and what's important to me and he respects that fact that sometimes I just have bad days for no specific reason. I used to vent on my blog about things that bother me, but I vent to Khris now about everything.  I love that he listens and is willing to help me solve my problems.  I no longer need to keep a diary of my life or document things that happen.  Another reason why I never blog anymore is because I simply don't have the time with going to school full time and working just about full time.  I don't have time to take 45 mins out of my day to sit and express my feelings in words.  I am sitting in my history class with a professor that makes no sense so I have to find something that keeps me awake. So that is the only reason why I am typing this right now.  I don't want to rub my happiness in anyone's face, that's not my intention at all...but when I'm are filled with happiness and joy I can't help but to just let it out.  I know that no one hardly reads this thing anymore anyway and I'm fine with that.  Maybe come summer I'll pick it back up because I'll have more time on my hands, but I say that knowing that it'll never happen. So this is a post to say that I probably won't be posting on this anymore unless I feel that I absolutely need to...and at this point I'll just blog to Khris...because at this point if I ever lose my memory or forget where I came from I know he'll be there to remind me of who I am, who loves me, and who I am supposed to be.

Seven Wants.

1. I want to get married.  I know this may sound crazy but its something I wish I could truly do.  Khris and I can't afford it with the part-time jobs that we work right now but he has promised me that after college he will propose and we'll get married.  I can't wait.  I know that marriage isn't going to be as "perfect" as I think it will be and I understand that fully.  I'm ready to take that next step I just wish I could take it now...but I'll wait for however long I need to because to me it's worth it.

2. I want to go on a real road trip.  I always see people posting on facebook about how they're taking road trips to New York, Florida, Texas, etc. I want to do that! I want to set my iPod on shuffle, roll the windows down and drive until I reach somewhere I've never been.  I want to see the Pacific Ocean...I want to see the United States/Mexico line...I want to see the Statue of Liberty.  I would love to go overseas but that becomes a little more complicated than a road trip and far more expensive.  Maybe once I complete "Want #1" Khris and I will be able to afford it haha

3. I want to own a nice car.  I want to be able to go for miles and miles and not have to worry about checking all my gages every 5 minutes to make sure no lights come on, on my dash.  Maybe that's why I haven't completed "Want #2" haha I'm trying to save up for a car and so far I'm doing good but with rent, gas, cell phone, car insurance, groceries, etc. its a little difficult.  Hopefully I'll be able to save a lot this summer and get a little closer to this goal.

4. I want to go on a shopping spree and not have to worry about a budget.  Now I know this one will probably NEVER happen.  Unless Khris becomes mega rich from his job but I'm sure he would kill me if I ever did that lol.  This want comes from a little deeper concern though...this world is so focused on money and "to spend or not to spend."  I wish that taxes didn't exist and people really received every penny they earn.  I wish that money didn't define a person either...I have so many opinions haha i'm gonna move on now.

5. I want a puppy.  A little puppy.  One that I can snuggle with and sleep with on the nights that Khris doesn't stay over.  I know they are a big responsibility but I seriously think I could handle it.  I just love their unconditional love they give when you come home and they can't stop wagging their tails and how they want to literally take off a layer of your face with their tongues because they are so excited to see you! GAH I WANT A PUPPY.

6. I want to record a CD.  After I recorded a song with my Youth Pastor 2 years ago, I've wanted to get back into the studio.  I loved the atmosphere and the sort of "high" that I got from listening the playback of me singing.  I wish I could afford it because I think I could really go far.  When I received that gift my Youth Pastor I was ecstatic!! I didn't even mind waking up early that day to get to the studio in time.  Needless to say I know that if all else fails I still have my voice to fall back on.

7. I want to own a beach/lake house one day.  Most likely a lake house.  I love the lake and I would love to be able to have an escape whenever I needed one.  I would love to have a house like my Aunt and Uncle and I would love to have my family over during the summer time to go swimming, tubing, and skiing. It would just be perfect!

Eight Fears.

Well what do you know...I told you I wasn't going to post again this weekend but I have miraculously found the time :) so here we go...my eight fears:

1. Spiders.  I hate them.  No matter what size the are I still think that they could take me down.  I really hate the jumping ones (I think they are actually crickets...but they look like spiders).  At my parent's house they are also on the porch or the sidewalk and I never know which way they're going to jump so I always approach with caution.  I think this fear came from a super hilarious story from my childhood where a spider literally came after me in my bathroom one time.

2. Being alone.  I hate being alone, its so quiet.  Before I met Khris one of my biggest fears was ending up alone.  For some strange reason (probably because I was your average teenage girl who thought that evil was out to get her and make her life miserable) I was scared that I would end up alone.  I didn't think I was going to get married and if I did it wasn't going to be anytime soon.  But since I've met Khris and we plan to get married I don't ever have to fear about ending up alone.

3. Richmond at night.  I never knew how bad it was until I moved down here for school.  I hate that people cat call at you and think that its going to work.  Its the most repulsive thing ever.  Sometimes it happens during the day and its just as worse.  FYI: never walk alone at night in Richmond...its just a bad idea.

4. The dark.  Yes I'm 20 years old and still afraid of the dark.  It used to be a big problem when I was younger but every now and then I still get scared.  When I was a kid I had to sleep with a night light on because I was afraid to sleep in complete darkness...that's changed now that I'm older though.  You never know what's going to be in the dark...seriously, bad things can happen.

5. Tight places.  I do suffer from claustrophobia just a tad.  Its not a big issue really but I hate being in places where I can't get out of.  If I was ever buried alive I literally would FREAK OUT...I would go insane.  One time when I was little I had this horrible dream that I was in this box and I couldn't get out and I would up trying to get out of my bed and I was banging on the wall because I thought I was trapped.  Its a serious thing, no joke.

6. To be mean to people.  Now this one pertains more to work than my personal life but its still a fear of mine.  I hate confrontation and arguing, it just doesn't get anything done.  I'm all about talking in out and getting things straight as soon as possible.  I hate rumors too...I had a lot of trouble with this in high school but each time that it did happen I went straight to the source and I ended it.

7. Not getting a successful job.  My major is so broad and its not direct at all so I could pretty much do anything...now one would think that's a good thing but I see it as a bad thing.  I fear that I'm not going to get a successful job and I sometimes fear that my college education is going to be a waste.  But deep down I know that something is going to work out for me to have a good job.  Its just the fact that I don't know for sure what I'm doing that gets me all flustered.

8. Getting Sick.  It has to be about the worst thing ever.  I take vitamins and drink orange juice just about every morning so usually I'm good but once I get sick I'm down for days no matter what it is.  I thank God for the health he has given be but today especially I need extra prayers...feeling like blah :/

Nine Loves.

Gosh I really suck at sitting down and blogging everyday with a challenge like this one.  I get so busy with school and work that I'm like "Oh yeah I started that thing on my blog like 3 days ago and I'm supposed to be blogging everyday about it......oops." So here I am with my nine loves...this is gonna be hard. Bear with me people.

1. I love God.  As cliche as that might sound to some of you, I really love that God loves me unconditionally no matter how far I drift away or how close I am.  If I don't read my Bible everyday he will forgive me and still love me.  That's never going to change and I love the peace and comfort that gives me from day to day.

2. I love my family and friends.  Although I've had my fair share of "falling outs" with both of these groups we still love each other and are there for each other no matter what.  No matter how much distance is put between us and even if we don't talk everyday, it doesn't change our relationship.  Through the good, the bad, and the ugly I know I can count on my family and friends.

3. I love Khristopher Kendrick.  Wow I don't think I've ever spelt out his full name like that....*embarrassing* anyway.  He's the best man that God could've have blessed me with.  He's caring, supportive, loving, and just all around sweet.  My friends look at us and say "Its like y'all are still in the puppy love stage" even though we've been together for almost 2 years! But is that such a bad thing? We love each other and we want to spend the rest of our lives together.

4.  I love the lake.  I wish I could live there. Its so peaceful and quiet and I think it would be such a fun location to raise a family.  My Aunt and Uncle have a lake house down at Bugs Island and every summer my family goes down there for a weekend and I love sitting on their dock, soaking up the sun, with a good book to read.  It's simply bliss.

5.  I love flip-flops.  I wear them 24/7.  Although I have ventured out to some other styles of shoes, flip-flops are my "go-to" shoes.  They go with anything and I swear I have a billion pair.  I was greatly disappointed when my favorite flip-flops from last summer broke last semester and I have to walk a block on broad street with only 1 flip-flop on...probably the grossest thing I've ever had to do and I definitely got some stares haha

6. I love mashed potatoes.  They are grand.  I love any type of potato really (fries, bakes potato, fried potatoes) except sweet potatoes. I could live off of them.  When I have a house of my own and even in my apartment now there is ALWAYS a box of instant mashed potatoes in the cabinet.  I seriously ate 2 servings worth of mashed potatoes for dinner the other day.  I was not ashamed.

7. I love my job. Sometimes, it drives me crazy but 9 times out of 10 I love my job.  Its super fast-paced and I love it.  It kinda sorta keeps me in shape because I'm always on my feet going there, going here, lifting that box, pushing this over and that over.  I love the people I work with...I've made so many friendships with people there and I hope they last a lifetime. :)

8. I love to sing.  I sing for fun mostly but every Sunday here and there I sing at my church whether it be by myself or with my mom.  I love to sing about God and I love to harmonize with other people.  Kari Jobe is my "musical idol" I love everything she sings and the heart and soul she puts behind her music.  I wish I had a voice like hers...so powerful!

9. And last but certainly not least....I love bargain shopping.  Lisa and I have discovered this thrift store down in RVA called rumors and they have dressed me for so many occasions since I've lived down here.  They have really abstract articles of clothing and things that you would never ever buy but when you look at it you're like "Oh I can make that work."  Well that's totally me.  I used to be a very kinda "boring" dresser.  I would wear just t-shirts with jeans and no prints...I love solids in high school for some reason.  And know I've branched out to skirts with cute print tops...skirts with print, beaded tank tops, and cute accessories! I'm so ready for summer so I can show off my new stuff!

Hope y'all enjoy, I probably won't be posting again this weekend because it's my girl Lisa's 21st Birthday this weekend and we gonna party it up! :)

Ten Secrets.

Some of these may be tmi for some of you but that's okay that's why they're called secrets...technically you're not supposed to know :P haha 

1. I can't stand having dirt under my fingernails and toenails.  I think having cleanliness of one's nails says a lot about a person's hygiene.

2. I'm a huge procrastinator. I feel sometimes that when I leave assignments for the last minute that I tend to do better...idk how that works? I feel like if I have a lot of time to do something that I'll push it off until the last minute...I really need to work on that one. 

3. I  have stretch marks on my legs and I'm proud of them.  In high school when I first got them from doing colorguard, I was really insecure about them because I thought I was the only girl that had them, but then I realized that every girl has them somewhere on their body and it helped me to overcome my insecurity.  I can confidently wear shorts and a bikini in the summer and not be ashamed.  

4.  I love baking but hardly have the time or the money to do.  Once upon a time I wanted to go to school to be a "professional baker" (if there is even such a thing) but that never happened.  Even though I love to bake...I'm not a huge fan of icing...unless is homemade of course. :) 

5. I hate being the center of attention.  I love doing crazy things and acting crazy, but if I've just met you I'm going to be the shyest person you've ever met.  I love singing in front on my church, but I like singing in groups better.  If my professor asks for a volunteer in class, I'm itching inside to raise my hand, but I never do.  

6. I keep a messy room.  I clean it every now and then when it gets REALLY bad but other than that, I don't make my bed and I fling clothes everywhere.  Even though my mom and dad got on me as a kid about having a clean room, I just never really got it haha.  I love the look and feel of a clean room, but I hardly ever see it.  

7. When I was a teenager I was a text maniac.  I think there was one month where I seriously sent like 15,000 text messages in a month...no lie.  I've lowered my number since then, but still I love texting.  I hate talking on the phone.  I'm a multitasker and I love to do multiple things at multiple times like watch tv, do homework, and talk to Khris all at the same time.  If I'm on the phone my attention has to be focused on one thing and one thing only.  If I pay attention to the tv, I don't hear what the person is saying on the phone and vice versa. 

8. I eat ranch on just about everything.  Pizza, carrots, salad, chicken, fries, sandwiches...everything. Ranch is amazing...Hidden Valley Ranch people/farmers/workers...y'all are my heroes.  

9. I can not draw at all.  When someone asks me to draw a person I seriously draw like I'm in kindergarten.  I never advanced past stick figures and drawing suns at the corner of the paper.  I still draw trees like a piece of broccoli and I still draws clouds like a puff of cotton.  There is no definition to my drawing....at.all. 

10. I can't wait to be a mom...well I mean I can...but I really love kids and I can't wait to have my own. I know some of you will think this is crazy me wanting this at such a young age...but I want to be a young mother.  I want to be able to go outside with my kids and play with them instead of watching them from a window.  I can't wait to help my kids on the homework and get after them for drawing on the walls.  I can't wait to see my child's imagination at work and to see them walk across the stage at the ir high school graduation.  I just can't wait. :) 

So there you have it...10 secrets about me. posting tomorrow about my 9 loves. <3 

HATERS.

Correct me if I'm wrong but I graduated high school along with 300 and some other students about 2 years ago right? And correct me if I'm wrong again but aren't we supposed to be adults now, acting like adults, and leaving high school in the past? yeah....that's what I thought too. Well apparently there is one (and probably others) who missed the maturity boat and still like to bring up the past from high school.  Well you know what I have to say about that? GROW UP AND GET OVER YOURSELF. You think you have "stuff" on me but your "stuff" is about 5 years too late.  I was a different person back in high school than I am now and you have NO RIGHT digging your nose into my relationship.  If I could I would tell you in person but I'm not going to because you aren't worth my time. You're worthless. You have a boyfriend for pete's sake...it's kind of sad when you have to pry into someone else's relationship when you are in one...or say your in on for that matter. You can talk crap about me behind my back all you want...you can try to come between Khris and I all you want...but no matter what you do it's not going to work and when it comes down to it, I have what you are jealous of and what you want and you're never going to have it. So hate if you want to, its not gonna hurt me any...you're just wasting your time and your energy.

Snappy, Short, and At Peace.

Sometimes I get in moods that I can't describe. I don't know why I am in them but I just am.  I'm snappy, I'm short, and I just want to sleep all day.  There is no cure, there is nothing that can be said or done to make me feel better.  I don't know what causes them, but they suck.  Today was one of those days.  I woke up just not in a good mood and it ruined my entire day.  I had a breakdown about what I was going to do for the rest of my life, for no reason at all.  I have no idea where it came from.  The issue of what I am going to do with my life is still there but for some reason, today, I made a huge deal about it.  I sabotaged time with Khris because I was in this mood and I HATE that.  Like I said, I can't control these moods and I don't know how to get out of them.  But today, in the midst of all of that, when I finally got home and I laid my head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me, I took one look up at his face and he looked back down at mine and I knew that at that moment that I was so crazy for not knowing anything about my future.  I know that no matter what happens in my life, I know one thing is for certain...that one day I'll be able to write his last name after my first...and if that's all my future holds then I'm okay with that.

Rays of Sun on a Rainy Day.

It's times like these when I flip open my Bible and just soak up God's word...I know I should be doing this all the time but when something out of the ordinary happens in my life and I just need some guidance, I always know where to turn.  I believe that we all just need to step back from the stresses of life and just read God's word...we can find so much there.  Reach out to the one and only God that can get you through ANYTHING.  I've reached out many times in my life and he's always gotten me through it, yeah it wasn't easy...it was tough....but God never said this life would be easy with Him.  We have to learn to lean and to trust 100% fully in Christ to experience 100% happiness.  I make mistakes daily and I realize that and I realize that everyone else makes mistakes too...no one is perfect.  But that's why we have Christ, he took the penalty for sin so we wouldn't have too...what a gift!

I could go on and on for hours about this, but I'm just so excited to be able to share the amazingness of God with a friend who truly needs it...I believe that it will turn their life around and get it back on track.  Having a strong foundation in God has never failed anyone and after experiencing some many let downs and disappointments they need someone that is going to lift them up and I believe this is the perfect start.

Feeling so blessed today. <3

"The Soft Spoken Girl"

Words can't even describe how stressed I am.  Usually I'm stressed because or school or something going on with my friends or family but this time its work.  Thursday was one the worst days, actually...make that THE worst day I have ever had at Chick-fil-a.  I was lied too, manipulated, and left alone as the only manager for two hours. Now to the average person that's like nothing but when you only have 2 registers and no screener putting together the orders for you, it gets hectic.  I had the worst speed of service times and it just sucked all around.  It was never my intention to let what happened be known by my manager and my boss.  When I received an email the morning after about how they were sorry for how things turned out and thanking me for the hard-work I put in to make it work, I was furious.  I never wanted them to know....it wasn't a big deal.  I handled the situation and did the best with what I had.  The only problem that I EVER had was that I was lied too straight to my face.  Well, now that my boss knows its turned into this big situation and that was not how it was supposed to go.  I wasn't even the one to tell them, which it should have been since I was the one most affected by what he did.  But nonetheless, I am stressed over this situation because I have no idea how its going to end.  My manager told me that I didn't have to worry about anything and that my name wouldn't be brought up but that's total bull because I know it will and the fact that I can't be there when they have a meeting to defend my opinion of what happened just pisses me off.  I don't know why this has me tied up and so stressed out but this week has just been the worst week ever.  I don't want to start off this new semester stressed out because it will only bode bad for me...but it looks like I have no choice.  I worked last night also, and for the love of all things holy I could not get the drive thru out of the red...so that made me even more stressed because I feel like I'm not working hard enough.  Khris says I'm over-doing it and that I worry too much and maybe I do but that's just me...that's how I deal with things, I guess.

I guess the thing that most pisses me off is that I'm the "soft spoken girl".  I have trouble having a backbone and saying no to people...idk why, its just how I am.  When it comes down to it, the whole situation that happened was technically my fault.  I was the one that told him he could leave early because he needed a ride.  When things need to be worked out because that's the only way that it can happen right, I understand.  I'm an understanding person and when people have specific things going on in their lives I try my best to understand in hopes that when I have something going on they would understand as well...but we all know it doesn't work that way because people aren't as considerate and understanding as much as you might be.  Ugh, idk I feel like I'm ranting and I feel like I'm typing meaningless words but this is what happens when I bottle things up....I don't say anything and I just deal with it and when it gets to be too much.....I explode. And trust me, I'm not a nice person when I explode.

One Week.

My classes start one week from today.  I'm so not ready. I want to lay in bed all day with Khris and I want to eat junk food and totally avoid the gym even though I should be there.  I want to be able to sleep in everyday and be a bum.  I don't want to have to put on make-up everyday or worry about whether my legs are shaved or not.  Winter break is about being lazy and I've taken lazy to a whole new level these past few weeks....and quite frankly I don't want to stop. but........ I have too. :/

Out of Shape.

When will I ever get up the motivation to actually go to the gym? I have a 10k to run with my work in May.....bahaha. yeah. i'm gonna die.

Here's To...

...A New Year 

New Friendships...and mending old ones

Happier smiles and fewer tears...

Spontaneous trips and wild nights 

Falling deeper in love with every glance, kiss, and touch

Having more determination and a stronger backbone

Good grades and less procrastination 

Having the time of my life <3 

I love New Years because not only does it allow me to forget about the past year but to look back and see how far I've come in the past year...how much I've matured, how much I've cherished, and how much I'm thankful for.  I couldn't have had a better year.  2011 brought a better job, a better school, a deeper love for Khris and Me and not to mention my adorable niece Charlotte Paige!  Here's to 2012 may it be as good as if not better than 2011!!!

<3