~~God loves to decorate. God has to decorate. Let Him live long enough in a heart, and that heart will begin to change. Portraits of hurt will be replaced by landscapes of grace. Walls of anger will be demolished and shaky foundations restored. God can no more leave a life unchanged than a mother can leave her child's tears untouched.~~
*Thy mercy, O Lord, is in the heavens; and thy faithfulness reacheth unto the clouds.*
So yesterday Becca stopped by to drop off some of my movies that she had collected from my past visits and she said that her little sister Sarabeth was having a bunch of her friends over and having a bonfire...so i kinda invited myself over bc i needed something to do haha I ended up going over there and ended up staying the night....we tried to get Heather to join after work but she had to work this morning at 10 so it ended up being just the 2 of us :)
We stayed up watching vids of sytycd and absolutely fell in love with some of the routines haha then we went up to her room and talked for hours about stuff about the past...the future..and the present :) it was nice to talk to someone about it haha
Then we attempted to watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith and we ended up dozing off..or i did rather haha so we finished it the next morning haha it stormed like crazy and we had hopes of going outside and dancing in the rain but it was a really heavy rain so by the time we got ready it had stopped :( so we just stayed inside on the computer haha
I left around 3 and then came home, took a shower, ate KFC for dinner yum! and then went to church at 630. Tonight we played this game where you were blindfolded and turned around like 15 times and there were swimming noodles on the ground that u had to find and then find your opponent and whoever was the first to hit the other person won. haha! I went against my brother and we whacked me pretty hard in my boob :/ but i'mok now :) haha
Right now in my life things are good. I have great friends, a great church, my parent's are getting along, and having lots of funn this summer :) i'm so grateful! But then again I'm so ready to be senior! I have a feeling this year is gonna be awesome :D
So a few days ago I went to get my physical done for colorguard this fall and my doctor was just going about the same routine of questions when she mentioned something about my weight. Now I've never been really concerned with my weight. I usually just eat whatever and not really gain that much. Well apparently in the past 6 months i've gained 10 pounds and in the past year i've gained 18 pounds. This is not good. I thought guard was keeping me in shape...but i guess not. So now my doctor recommends that I eat more fruits and vegetables (which I don't really like much of) and that i drink 8 glasses of water a day and a nutrious breakfast lunch and dinner. I'm hoping that when i get back involved with guard in the next few weeks that i'll be able to drop the weight...but something is telling me that its gonna be hard.
I really need to focus on eating smaller portions and actually looking at the nutrition labels on the back of stuff. Its so frustrating bc I didn't think I had gained that much...and I didn't really see a change in my body... oh well all I have to worry about now is either maintaining or losing weight...and not gaining it.
Well for starters, me and my dad are okay now. We talked about what was going on and we, surprisingly, came to an agreement on things. So we're getting along now. :)
Things with Ben didn't quite work out so well :/ we talked about starting a relationship together but when I realized that he was gonna be 10+ hours away from me...my stomach dropped and realized it wouldn't be fair for the both of us. In my eyes a relationship isn't a phone call and txts throughout the day...a relationship to me is someone who is relatively close to you (within 30 mins), who can take you out every now and then, who you can chill with at their house and just lay together watching movies or something :) that physical connection is what i'm talking about... and i realized I won't have that with him so I had to turn away and move on...
..and honestly i think i'll be happier that way. and if u think about it...Band camp starts up in a few weeks, which is 9am-6pm for 2 weeks plus 2 other weeks with practice 3 days a week....and i'm working as much as possible until then...then school starts. Once school starts I'll be in all honors and an AP class...working mondays and wednesdays, practice tuesdays, thursdays, fridays, and saturdays r either work or competitions...and somewhere in there i have to find time to volunteer and get service hours for the NHS....gah. So no time for boys.
...but they always say, if you want something bad enough, you'll make time for it, and you'll fight for it :) and if God brings a guy my way then so be it...God will make a way for us to have a great relationship! <3
Today me and my best friend Courtney hung out at my house :) we played wii bowling and wii tennis. She beat me a lot of the time but i managed to win a few games hehe well we got tired quick so we took a lil break got some water and watched some tv for a lil while. Then we got curious and went on the On Demand section and found these fun dance videos where you could learn lots of different dances. We found a one that was called the Booty Bop and it was a lil fast pace for us so we moved on to one called Dirt Road 1 and 2. This dance was a country 4-wall dance (similar to the cha-cha slide set-up). It was quite challenging to learn the dance but nevertheless we managed to get through it a few times :)
Now i'm at her house :) i'm staying the night here and we're gonna watch Confessions of a Shopaholic later on. Right now we're watching Get A Clue on Disney Channel haha one of the few movies that is worth watching now on that channel..along with a few others. haha
Well i'm gonna go for now...tomorrow I have a physical appt at 10:15 for colorguard and then i'm off to work from 4-close...yay long shifts... :P LOTS OF MOOOOLAH :D
Living a life where you have to tell lies and sneak around just to be happy is not someones idea of a happy life....unfortunately that is the type of life I live. I can't just go out with my friends, and have a good time without having to worry about coming home to a father who yells at you for doing the littlest thing wrong. Who yells if a sock gets left on the ground. Who yells if he told you to be home by 10:30 and you come in at 10:31. Who gets worked up if your plans suddenly change to something that wasn't supposed to happen.........*sigh*
Over the past 4 years of my life, my home life has been nothing but a struggle. Some nights are better than others but the majority of them are spent in anger, frustration and tears. All I want in life is to be happy. I know the growing up things aren't always pretty and nice, and that you have to work for want you want. But in this situation, no matter how hard I try or "work" to be happy and put on a smile and pretend like nothing is wrong, deep down my heart is broken into so many pieces that only God can put it back together. And when your heart is broken into so many pieces, its hard to find love because even though you want to give that person your whole heart.....its impossible.
I can't tell you how many times I have just stopped and sat down and just thought about life and all the hardships I've gone through all the obstacles I have overcome (and mind you, I'm only 17) and the tears that I've wiped away...and all the times that my friends have been there to support me and tell me that everything is going to be okay.
So all in all I'm striving this year, to choose to be happy. Irregardless of my situation at home. My fathers negativity and anger will not rob me of having happiness and joy and finding true love. No one can. Only by the grace of God will I be able to withstand this upcoming year and I'm ready to take it on head first.
For the past few days my parents have been fighting non-stop. I try not to get caught up in it but somehow I always end up crying over the fact that my parent's marriage is falling apart. I've had good experiences with my dad and not so good experiences with my dad. We've had our fair share of arguments and disagreements but we've also shared hugs and laughter. But unfortunately the bad out-weights the good here. My dad is very protective of me especially since I'm the baby girl, but its to the point where he treats me like I'm still his little 10 year old girl sitting on his lap and that daddy is the only guy in my life...it doesn't work that way anymore. I'm 17, not 10 and I like boys. Plain and simple. My dad won't except that fact that I'm growing up and that I wanna do things on my own, that I want to date, that I want to stay out late with my friends having a good time. But he just doesn't get it. I don't think he ever will.
I feel bad bc I know my mom isn't happy and that she is literally at the end of her rope. But she is holding out until I graduate (I believe) and honestly, I don't think she should have to wait. My "happiness" is as just as important as hers. I don't want my mom to be stressed all the time about having to be a safety net between me and my dad, which often times she is. She deserves better than that and shouldn't have to live her life worrying about what's gonna happen next.
The good part about all this...is that I've met someone who I can tell all this too and expect him to be there to hear me out and to give good advice. His name is Ben and he works at Chick-fil-A with me :) we've been talking for quite some time now and we get along great! The only sad part is, is that he's leaving in less than 3 weeks to go to college in Ohio... :( but i'm trying not to think about that... tonight, after work, he took me to coldstone ice cream and bought me a "Like It" of Mint ice cream :) such a gentleman haha but all in all i'm trying not to get too attached bc if i do I won't be able to let him go when he leaves for college. But while time is still on our side, we are enjoying each other's company and that's all that matters :)
I'm praying fervently for my family and that either God will pour peace into my parent's marriage or he will show my mom a good way out and allow us to be financially stable on our own. All I want is to be happy and I honestly and faithfully believe that God will provide in my time and my mom's time of sorrow.
**God allows us to have disappointments, frustrations, or even worse because He wants us to see that our joy is not in such worldly pleasures as success or money or popularity or health or sex or even in miracle-working faith. Our joy is in the fact that we have a relationship with God. Few of us understand that message until circumstances have distorted us of any possibility of help except from God Himself.**
~But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, even when we were dead in sin, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace are ye saved).~ Ephesians 2:4-5
So yesterday I worked 3-11 which is a 8 hour shift and today I worked from 11am-11pm which is a 12 hour shift. I was only supposed to work 11-8:30 but Mike asked me to cover his close hours for him and I needed the money so I agreed to work...bad idea. I've never worked that long of a shift and I just about passed out...haha but the plus side was is that I got free food :) :) But i'm super exhausted so this blog is gonna be extra short!
Ok so yesterday I went over to Becca's House to swim in her pool and to hang out with Heather before she had to leave to go to work. Well Heather ended up calling in *cough*cough sick to her boss so that she could stay to swim longer :) hahaha well sadly she didn't end up staying the night. :/ But as the night progressed...we got a lil crazier and crazier. For dinner we had Mrs. Cannon's famous homemade chicken noodle soup...nom and green beans and zuccini bread made fresh out of the garden....nom. The next chain of events took place when Amy, Chelsea, and Becca left me off the couch :( so what do i do?? I lay across all of them! Well then Amy has this great idea to give me a wedgie the freakin' size of Texas....and Becca and her end up pickin it out for me....(u know ur best friends when...) So then we decided to make room for everyone and moved our craziness to the floor haha and that is where everythingggg fell apart haha we were laughing, throwing pillows, punching people throw a pillow (poor Chels), doing the feet airplane thing, and lots of other crazy stuff lol it was quite a night lol I do believe that after we drank our Jones soda.....we got a lil whoo hoo and just let loose lol the pics on facebook are to die for...omg haha
At the end of the night we ended up watching diff vids on youtube and cracking up hahaha and then we decided to watch Juno while we got into bed :) Amy and Chelsea were on the couches and me and Becca were on the blowup mattress on the floor. Well I ended up falling asleep before the movie was over and then everyone else just kinda fell asleep as well I guess. In the middle of the night, Becca and I wake up to find our mattress completely deflated and us practically layin on carpet haha so Becca got huge pillows and put them under my bed and Becca hopped up on the open couch haha I was half asleep when all this took place though lol
This morning we woke up and we each started our days differently. Amy had to go babysit the Kotte kids, Chelsea had to go to work at Gold's, Becca's family has dentist appts, and I have work at 3. But even though we do different things each day and we may not see each other everyday, that's ok bc not seeing them all the time makes the times we spend together priceless and moments that none of us will ever forget! It's nice to have friends where you can be 100% yourself and they don't judge you or laugh at you :) We will always be friends no matter what come our way and we will never forget the countless nights that we stayed up till the wee hours of the morning laughing our butts off and taking epic pics. NOTE: This....is what you call true friendship <3
The blessing God wants to pour out on your life and mine is not necessarily increased wealth or problem-free health or material prosperity. And it is not obtainable by prayerfully reciting a formual as though you are rubbing Aladdin's lamp, waiting for the Divine Genie to pop out and grant your request. The fullness of the blessing God wants to give you and me can be summed up in one word - JESUS!
**Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings (gifts) in heavenly places in Christ.** Ephesians 1:3
I stayed home today and did absolutely nothing but bum on my couch and watch tv! :) I haven't had a day like this in forever....it was greatly needed! The most productive thing I've done all day is cook dinner for my dad....chicken pot pie YUM! I looooove cooking :D haha but anyways in about an hour or so i'm leaving for Impact. We're having a cook out yay! :)
Tomorrow I'm hopefully going over Becca's house to swim with the girls :) its been awhile since i've seen them :'(
Today my youth group (The Impact) took a trip to Kings Dominion! It was a lot of fun...i hadn't been in a few years so there were a few new roller coasters for me to try out :) I was the only girl in the group to go so I spent today with 6 crazyyyyyyyy guys. But they made it fun! Me and Ryne (our youth pastor and also my sis's bf) forgot to wear our bathing suits under our clothes so going to the water park was quite difficult haha but we managed to find a vender who sold swim shorts and tank tops and stuff so we got in luck! So after being soaked beyond belief, we changed and headed over to the dominator! Awesome ride. its kinda a mix between the volcano and the anaconda haha very sweet! I also rode the White Water Canyon, the Grizzly, Log Ride, THE DROP ZONE :D, Italian Job, and the Avalanche :) I had a great time!
I was going to head over Heathers afterward but my Dad said I had to come home...what else is new?? oh well hopefully i'll be able to see them on Thursday at Becca's house swimming :)
I don't really have any plans for tomorrow...prob just sleeping in and relaxing all day haha haven't had a day like that in a while so it should be nice!
Calling it an early night tonight...super beat from all the rides today haha
**There is no such thing as an inferior prayer. Awkward prayers, tongue-tied prayers, prayers form a dry well, prayers from a giddy heart, even show-off prayers all have validity, not because of the one who is praying but because of the One who is listening. The thing is to keep talking, and when you run out of words, sit tight on a rock and listen. Just don't walk away.**
~And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.~ Matthew 21:22
The past is the past....you can't change it....plain and simple.
Thoughts may re-enter ur mind and you'll think back to the times when you thought you were happy and then you'll look at urself now....after you overcome ur heartache and tears and realize that you are much happier now than u were before.
With loving, caring, and supportive friends I believe getting through a tough break up is possible, moving on from ur first love is possible, and realizing that you don't need that person in your life is possible.
"Down the road the sun is shining, every cloud there's a silver lining, just keep holding on. Every heartache makes you stronger, but it won't be much longer, you'll find love, you'll find peace and the you you're meant to be. I know right now that's not the way you feel, but one day you will."
So today was church and the Pastor preached a good sermon on striving for the prize while waiting on the Lord :) then after church we went home and at some lunch! My dad came home from NC today he was down there visiting my grandpa, his dad, while the rest of us were at the lake. Then my mom and i went back to church for choir practice and the evening service. Bro. Adam, my youth pastor, preached tonight :) and Josh surprised me and showed up in the service...which was nice :) my mom had to cook the dinner after the service tonight so josh and i stayed after and ate some hotdogs, mac and cheese, green beans and chocolate pudding for dinner :) good times. lots of laughs! which is the norm when we hang out hehe
I'm back to work tomorrow from 3-9:30...ugh got make up for the whole week of hours i missed :/ but that's what u get when u wanna go on vacation haha
Well I just got back from vacation at Emerald Isle Beach in NC and Bugs Island for a week and it was awesome! My grandpa lives at EI so my family was able to stay with him :) and my Great Aunt and Uncle live at Bugs Island so my family was able to stay with them there haha the beach was so much fun...my sister brought along her bf Ryne so he was with us and we got him into boogie boarding and such...it was quite fun! We went out to eat at a seafood place on wednesday night and I ate some goooood shrimp and scallops...yum. Thursday we left for the lake...we got there at about 4 or 5ish. We waited until the next day to go out on my uncle Steve's boat bc they got there late last night. Tubing was sooo much fun...i got beat up pretty good though haha and skiing was a bunch of fun as well. I haven't skiied in about 5 years but I was able to get up on the first try which was a surprise! We came back from absolute paradise today haha we got back around 6ish and the first thing I did was hop on facebook :) I hadn't updated in a week and I had about 90 notifications...gah. but anyway i have successfully uploaded pics from last week when the my girls Chelsea, Amy, and Becca came over for the night, my adventure with Amy to Busch Gardens, and 4th of July, and the beach from this past week. All I have left is the lake pics and vids :)
Well its officially late and i'm so sore from tubing its not even funny...I guess that stuff doesn't hit you when you were 10 yrs old but now that i've gotten older you get sore more quickly haha :/ I'm looking forward to church in the morning and singing in the choir :) we're getting a new music director soon his name is Kyle and he is really sweet! I'm lookin forward to him being a part of our church :) Not so much lookin forward to work this week...but since I took a week off i guess I do need to work a lil to get at least some sort of paycheck haha....such is life.