Thursday, October 8, 2009


One word. Stressed.

I've managed to work out the kinks in my schedule and fall into sort of a routine that works best for right now. Although that routine is one that I don't like...i must manage.

From scholarships to applications to essays to recommendations to SATs. Its all a little overwhelming. Have I reached the point where I'm having fun in school. Definitely not....but then again I must manage.

Things at home. Should I even go there? I feel like I'm trapped and I can't get out. Even though I'm hardly there bc of my work schedule and practice, when I am there I hardly speak let alone spend time with my parents. But I'm 17 and still not legal therefore...i must manage and make do with what I have.

Everything in my life, metaphorically, is a long car ride. You have your starting place and your ending place. I have left my starting place but have yet to reach my final destination. I'm somewhere in between....where that somewhere is...I don't know. I'm learning to become more independent when it comes to making big decisions in my life. I no longer wish to rely on my friends or my parents or siblings for advice on something that should be an inward decision. Its hard for me to comprehend the fact that in 4 1/2 months I wil be legal and I'll have a whole new platter of events and responsibilities coming my way. But when I do reach that point....I'll manage just like I have been.

I'm looking forward to a time when I can live my life for me. Do what I want to do. Not what my parents want me to do. Not what my friends want to do....but what I want to do. But I'm not there yet. Until then...

I must manage.