Sick and Tired.

I am just so sick and tired of this. I want to be alright without you. I want to be able to go a month, a week, a day, an hour without thinking of you. Without wondering why it is you don't care at all anymore. I just am so sick and tired of needing you in my life knowing that you only make me sad.

For Everything.

This is for every time you built me up just to make me cry. This is for all those things you said that turned out to be a lie. This is for every day I spent alone and I couldn't get out of bed. This is for every night I couldn't sleep because you were in my head. This is for every promise you made and then later on you broke. This is for all the lies behind every word you spoke. This is for every time you brought me down and made me feel like dirt. This is for all this time I kept my stupid dream. This is for all the signs I knew I should have seen.

I have a plan. every time I think about you, or talk to you, I will think of the time you played me. I will think of how crappy I felt, and how hard I cried. That way, I will associate you with pain, and thus it will be easier to avoid you.

Guard.

Tomorrow marks the last competitive day of my whole colorguard/winterguard career in high school. All those years of running, doing push ups, dancing, spinning, tossing, yelling, fighting, crying, and laughing, all ends tomorrow. Guard has become my life. literally. I have spent more hours at practice & competitions than I have at home, work, and school combined.

Because of guard, I have met my 2 best friends. Without guard, I probably would've never became as close of friends as we are today. They have taught me to never give up and to give my all when I felt there was nothing left to give. Heather - my dancer :) she has taught me to come out of my shell and to express myself in performance and in dance. Becca - my flag queen :) you have been there for me through everything and have taught me to give my all. <3

Robyn - 3 years of spinning with her has been absolutely amazing. She has taught me not only to let go of the unnecessary, but to focus on the most important things in life.

Amanda - my rifle BA :) from some sick rifle work to random story time during practice...this girl has pushed me and pushed me to be my absolute best. When I thought that I was the worst spinner on rifle she reassured me that I had some raw talent and told me to keep working bc by my senior year...I'd be popping out 6's...how ironic :P haha

Karen - my intense flag diva :) from catches between my legs, and tosses behind my back and around my feet, Karen has taught me that its not necessarily just about the work...its how well you take that work, interpret it and perform it!

Jamie - the challenging, yet inspiring one :) even though its only been 2 years that I have been under your instructing, I have learned more this season about performing my heart out and to make the best memories out of every obstacle that comes my way than I have in any other season!

 

and last but CERTAINLY not least....Miss Lin - my dancing, performing, awesomely amazing chica :) You have taught me to cross the line of my comfort zone and to perform my dance work off down to the extension of my fingers to the points of my toes. When I would stress over the dance work you always said "Its a solo...it doesn't matter what you do...just make it you and perform your butt off!" and for that reaasurance and I am forever grateful <3

My whole guard family from Ascenstion to Memories...I love each and every single one of you. Even though there were times when I wanted to beat some of you (jk) we still overcame the problem and worked through it as a guard family. The relationships and memories that I have made with these groups can not be described by any use of any word...and the fact that that is the truth should be reason enough to say that I will truly miss everyone and that I hope that everyone continues on until their senior year. There have been PLENTY of times when I just wanted to quit and give up...but I didn't. I kept going and I grew from it and became a better person.

Do not worry....I will visit every so often and I promise to bring some of my spunk with me ;)

 

Love you all! Shelbssss <3

Is it too much to ask for??

I want a guy who will make me happy. Someone who will make me smile when I hear his voice. Someone that will love me no matter what. I want a guy that will make my friends say to one another, "She's happy again."

Smilllllllle! :)

I think i'm fallin' for you. :)

Perfect Timing.

A new name. A new face. A new set of feelings. Seems you showed up just when I needed the biggest distraction.

I think your the guy I need to get over the other guy. I'm so glad we met. :)

Self-Control

To not look into your eyes tonight was the best feeling ever. To not respond to your remarks was amazing. To know that I can be around you and not be affected by your sharp stares and unnecessary comments makes this feeling of relief and happiness that much more worth it.

I'm so glad that I woke up to your mind games and twisted thoughts...and decided to finally let you go.

Goodbye.

i forfeit. i'm done. i'm sick of trying to hold a conversation with you. yeah, i want to talk to you so freaking bad, but i refuse to seem desperate. so if you wanna talk, hit me up, but other than that, i give up.

This sick twisted thing between us...its finally over. I'm so over being "in love" with you.

Its about time that I start living my life and you aren't gonna be in it. :D

Done.

To truly get over you, I need you out of my life completely. Seeing you everyday for hours and hours on end does not help me forget about you and the pain you caused me. It wasn't all pain that you caused, but that was the majority. I'm done fighting for a relationship that I know will never be more than just a hook-up. Trying to "make it work" is a phrase that should never need to be said. If something is meant to be you shouldn't have to "make it work" it should work on its own because the relationship is so right, so true, so perfect. But with you that'll never be the case, because all you see in woman is how far you can get with them. Well I'm here now saying, your journey with me stops here. There will be no more adventures together, no more smiles shared, or laughter made because all of those things never came naturally with you and me...we had to work at it. and i'm done working on you.

A Tight Grip.

it's the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone all at the same time. and it's hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. it's crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on, and you want to move on, but you're stuck right where you started. when feelings come and go and you can't decide what you want. when you have so many things to say, but you don't know where to start. when you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther and farther away. it's so hard to think back how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different, and they may never be the same again. you tell yourself it's not worth it but if it really didn't matter, you wouldn't spend so much time thinking about it...