Monday, March 29, 2010
I am just so sick and tired of this. I want to be alright without you. I want to be able to go a month, a week, a day, an hour without thinking of you. Without wondering why it is you don't care at all anymore. I just am so sick and tired of needing you in my life knowing that you only make me sad.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
This is for every time you built me up just to make me cry. This is for all those things you said that turned out to be a lie. This is for every day I spent alone and I couldn't get out of bed. This is for every night I couldn't sleep because you were in my head. This is for every promise you made and then later on you broke. This is for all the lies behind every word you spoke. This is for every time you brought me down and made me feel like dirt. This is for all this time I kept my stupid dream. This is for all the signs I knew I should have seen.
I have a plan. every time I think about you, or talk to you, I will think of the time you played me. I will think of how crappy I felt, and how hard I cried. That way, I will associate you with pain, and thus it will be easier to avoid you.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Tomorrow marks the last competitive day of my whole colorguard/winterguard career in high school. All those years of running, doing push ups, dancing, spinning, tossing, yelling, fighting, crying, and laughing, all ends tomorrow. Guard has become my life. literally. I have spent more hours at practice & competitions than I have at home, work, and school combined.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
To not look into your eyes tonight was the best feeling ever. To not respond to your remarks was amazing. To know that I can be around you and not be affected by your sharp stares and unnecessary comments makes this feeling of relief and happiness that much more worth it.
I'm so glad that I woke up to your mind games and twisted thoughts...and decided to finally let you go.
Monday, March 15, 2010
i forfeit. i'm done. i'm sick of trying to hold a conversation with you. yeah, i want to talk to you so freaking bad, but i refuse to seem desperate. so if you wanna talk, hit me up, but other than that, i give up.
This sick twisted thing between us...its finally over. I'm so over being "in love" with you.
Its about time that I start living my life and you aren't gonna be in it. :D
Sunday, March 14, 2010
To truly get over you, I need you out of my life completely. Seeing you everyday for hours and hours on end does not help me forget about you and the pain you caused me. It wasn't all pain that you caused, but that was the majority. I'm done fighting for a relationship that I know will never be more than just a hook-up. Trying to "make it work" is a phrase that should never need to be said. If something is meant to be you shouldn't have to "make it work" it should work on its own because the relationship is so right, so true, so perfect. But with you that'll never be the case, because all you see in woman is how far you can get with them. Well I'm here now saying, your journey with me stops here. There will be no more adventures together, no more smiles shared, or laughter made because all of those things never came naturally with you and me...we had to work at it. and i'm done working on you.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
it's the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone all at the same time. and it's hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. it's crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on, and you want to move on, but you're stuck right where you started. when feelings come and go and you can't decide what you want. when you have so many things to say, but you don't know where to start. when you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther and farther away. it's so hard to think back how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different, and they may never be the same again. you tell yourself it's not worth it but if it really didn't matter, you wouldn't spend so much time thinking about it...