Wednesday, April 13, 2011

With or Without.


Today is my dad's birthday. I haven't spoken to him in about 2 weeks.  I called him wishing him a happy birthday and that if he wanted to talk, then to call me but that if he didn't, that that was fine too.  A part of me wants to fix this, but a part of me doesn't.  Everyone around me is saying be the bigger person, well quite frankly I'm really tired of being the bigger person.  My dad is never the bigger person and he never will be.  Why should I make an effort to keep our relationship when he never makes an effort? I am always the one calling, I am always the one compromising, I am always the one apologizing and taking the blame for something he did. I'm tired of it taking the blame. Every time I take the blame its only temporary before we know it, we're back at the same place as we were before. What's the point at trying to make it work?  Yeah sure he's my father, and I love him, but at this point in time in my life, I have other things to stress about rather than stressing about whether my own father wants me around or not.  I am going to start living my life the way I want to live it and leave the decision on him to change or not to change. I can't worry about this anymore.  I have a life to start living, with or without him.

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