Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Overwhelmed.



School is down to the last 5 almost 4 weeks and I'm going insane.  I feel like I don't have enough time to juggle everything.  I never have time to sit down and breathe. I found out today that I completely missed an assignment I was supposed to do because I failed to read the email correctly.  I feel like my grades are slipping away and I don't want them to...I need good grades to get into VCU  I am constantly working on something whether it be studying for a test, writing a paper, completing an assignment, or reading for a class...yeah, yeah you're probably thinking to yourself "that's college get over it" but honestly its not just my school work getting in the way.  I'm having to deal with a father who is unapologetic...he doesn't understand how to say the word sorry. Should i call or should i not call? If I do call, what would I say? Should I write a letter instead so I don't have to actually talk to him? I have no idea what to do. The person that keeps me sane is an hour away and going through all of this alone is killing me.  I know that he'd be here for me in a heartbeat if I needed him here...but I think that going through what I'm going through alone is somehow teaching me a lesson.  There's a reason for this...I just don't see it.  I've had a headache for the past week almost because I'm so stressed.  I can't get rid of it...I go to sleep with it and wake up with it...its never-ending.  I just need a release, I need an escape, I need to vent, I need to just let go, I need to just sit down and breathe...but I'm so overwhelmed that doing just that would get me so far  behind. I can't handle this, but I don't have a choice. I have to fight for what I want...I want summer and I want VCU but I have to fight this urge to just give up on everything because what I know is in my future will be so much better than what I'm living now.

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