Is all this really worth it all??

Living a life where you have to tell lies and sneak around just to be happy is not someones idea of a happy life....unfortunately that is the type of life I live. I can't just go out with my friends, and have a good time without having to worry about coming home to a father who yells at you for doing the littlest thing wrong. Who yells if a sock gets left on the ground. Who yells if he told you to be home by 10:30 and you come in at 10:31. Who gets worked up if your plans suddenly change to something that wasn't supposed to happen.........*sigh*

Over the past 4 years of my life, my home life has been nothing but a struggle. Some nights are better than others but the majority of them are spent in anger, frustration and tears. All I want in life is to be happy. I know the growing up things aren't always pretty and nice, and that you have to work for want you want. But in this situation, no matter how hard I try or "work" to be happy and put on a smile and pretend like nothing is wrong, deep down my heart is broken into so many pieces that only God can put it back together. And when your heart is broken into so many pieces, its hard to find love because even though you want to give that person your whole heart.....its impossible.

I can't tell you how many times I have just stopped and sat down and just thought about life and all the hardships I've gone through all the obstacles I have overcome (and mind you, I'm only 17) and the tears that I've wiped away...and all the times that my friends have been there to support me and tell me that everything is going to be okay.

So all in all I'm striving this year, to choose to be happy. Irregardless of my situation at home. My fathers negativity and anger will not rob me of having happiness and joy and finding true love. No one can. Only by the grace of God will I be able to withstand this upcoming year and I'm ready to take it on head first.

Fearless.