Trapped.

In this life you have two choices; to rebel, or to follow.  When life is wonderful you go with the flow, you smile, you feel like you're on cloud nine. But what happens when life turns the other way and you feel like you can't get away, you're limited, and you feel like you've lost your wings and can no longer fly? That's when you rebel.  You take matters into your own hands and make the decisions for yourself. You find out who and what will define you.  Don't let it be someone who hurts you, who makes you cry, or who doesn't understand your heart.  Let it be someone who will always be there with you when you can't stop crying because the thought of one thing brings tears to your eyes, who will always reassure you that things will be alright, who, no matter what, will love you regardless of where you come from.

I find these walls a prison.  I feel trapped in this place.  I'm like a butterfly sealed into a jar who can't fly when all my life that's what I've been taught to do.  How will I learn if I'm not released into the world? When I'm not here I'm happy.  I forget about these things and for once I am me. Most of the time though,  I put on a smile and act like everything is okay when in reality my heart aches of sorrow that I can't get away from.  When I twist that key and take my first step through that door I feel a wave of depression come about me and I feel trapped.

How do I find the words to set myself free? I'm a fragile soul who deep down cares more than he'll ever know but he'll never see that happiness because he always causes it to drift away and make the tears appear.  He'll never know that I enjoy being around him and that I enjoy conversations with him.  He'll never know because he spends to much time finding the negatives and yelling about them to other people when it's not their fault anymore than it is his.

This cage I am in has to be broken and the only way to do that is rebel and be who I am regardless of what he says. I am a woman.  I am not his 7 year old daughter sitting on his knee anymore. He's raised me to be strong. He's raised me to know right from wrong. He's raised me to make wise decisions.  But how will he ever know the proof of all his hard work if he never untwists the lid off the jar?