19 Going on 30.

I wish I actually felt my age.  I wish that I didn't have the responsibilities of a 30 year old.  When people ask me how old I am I'm embarrassed to say that I'm only 19 because I feel so much older than that.  I really and truly realized that times are changing, people are changing, and that I have to except that.  I can't expect everyone to be the same person they were in high school because we aren't who we were in high school.  That's why there are problems, that's why we don't get along like we did in high school...because we aren't those people.  I'm not saying that we can't still be close and be friends, but its reaching that point in life where the friendship is there, its just a different type of relationship.  To me this makes sense, and to others it might not, but I'm reaching a point in my life where I'm looking ahead to my future, regardless of who comes with me.  I've had a rough week...a week where I had a lot going on and I felt really stressed and this is me putting my heart out there. I can't stress about my friends because I know somewhere along the line there will be issues that we can't avoid happening.  This is not to say that we can't work through them, but we have to be willing to work through them, with the same effort coming from both ends.  That's what I did today and things are fine now, I just realized that communicating through technology like we did in high school, gets me nowhere...you have to confront the situation like an adult and talk face to face.  Maybe this is me ranting yet again...but I have no where else or no one else to rant too.  Think what you may of this post but this is me, 100% just laying everything out.  I have no other way to express the way I feel because I feel no one can understand this the way I do because I am my own individual.  All of these realizations are swamping me all at the same time and its tough...its really tough.  I'm 19, I should be having the time of my life, but I'm too worried about bills, gas money, work, school and its all coming down on me and I can't hold it all up.  I know I have to and in the end I will but that doesn't mean I'm not going to have hardship on the way.  That's what life is about...falling and getting back up again. So when someone asks me how old I am, I'm going to ask them how old they think I am because to me I don't feel like I'm 19.