Daddyo vs. Dad.

I do not know why I still let him get to me.  After all the tears and fighting, he still gets to me.  My mom says it because its because I have a personality to naturally forgive.  Is that a bad quality to have? I can't answer that question.  I never thought it was a bad quality to have but now that I know that automatically forgiving someone when they don't automatically forgive you back can end in heart break.  His words of anger and unkindness still get to me and he still has the ability to make me feel like crap.  I've told myself time and time again that he's just jealous or upset at himself but no matter how many arguments we get in I always feel like its my fault.  Its a roller coaster ride with him and I feel like I'm on a blinded ride never knowing when the good times or the bad times are coming.  I guess its just the simple expression of one word that sets him off but I never felt like it bothered him until he said something tonight.  I fee like he wants to make the relationship as impersonal as possible. I can't break through his wall. Why? I will never know.  I didn't say anything back except for okay because I didn't want to get into another argument with him before I left to come back to Longwood.  I didn't want stress already coming back to Longwood, I have plenty of it while I'm here.  I just have it shooting from me from all directions and I can't stop it.